Getting it Right

I Got Rights, You Know

April 5, 2006 at 11:22 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Scene: A quiet city park. There is a rich man (R), well-dressed, sitting on a bench reading a newspaper. There is a cop (C) minding his own business in the background.

A poor man (P) walks along the path and spots R.

P: I got rights, you know.

R: (Ignores him)

P: Hey, I got rights, you know! (He pulls the paper down.)

R: Excuse me, but would you bother someone else?

P: No, I got rights you know!

R: Alright. (Obviously perturbed.) What rights do you have?

P: Give me your money. I'm poor, and your rich, and I got rights, you know. So give me some of your money.

R: Well, I got rights, "you know", too. You can't have this money, it's mine. If you take it from me, it's called stealing. And I'm sure the cop back there wouldn't mind dropping you in a cell to cool off.

P: Well, I'm poor so you have to give me money!

R: Look, maybe you don't know this, but I already spend a great deal of money to help people like yourself. Just down the street is a soup-kitchen, financed by me. And beyond that is a community college, where you can get a proper education on my buck. And beyond that is my factory, where I hire the poor and pay them well. So if you want my money, why don't you just accept what's already being offered by myself?

P: No, I DEMAND you give me money! I got RIGHTS, you know! 

C: (Now interested in the conversation.) (To R) He has rights you know.

R: You've got to be kidding me! What about my rights to own property? What about my rights to free enterprise and free trade? You can't force me to give him money!
C: Just give him some money.

R: Alright, fine. (He pulls out a large wad of cash. He takes a single bill and gives it to P, then motions for him to move along.) 

P: I got rights you know.

R: What do you want? More money?

P: I want more.

(R looks at C. C nods. R starts handing out more money.)

R: Say when. (He keeps handing out the bills, more slowly now.) Anytime now.

(Eventually he hands it all over.)

P: Thanks mister.

R: Wait a minute! I got rights too, you know!

P: Huh?

R: I'm poor now. That was all the free cash I had in this world. I needed it to pay my employees. But now that I'm poor, and you're rich, you've got to give me money too!

(P is obviously confused.)

R: Look, we can do this all day. So just give me half.

(P splits the cash into roughly equal chunks. He gives the smaller chunk to R and walks away.)

[End of scene]

Scene: The next day. Now the rich man doesn't look so rich. He is reading an old newspaper that is somewhat dirty in the same bench. C is still in the background. P approaches R again.

P: I got rights you know!

R: Not this again. I gave you a tremendous amount of money. I gave you practically half of what I own. Thanks to you, I had to close the soup kitchen, shut down the college, and fire half my work force. It's going to be some time before I am rich.

P: I got rights you know!

R: Look, you probably have more money than I do at this point. You can't possible ask me for money. I mean, you haven't… (he begins to realize) spent it all… did you?

(P nods slowly.)

R: How could you possibly spend all that money! It was enough to feed you for several years! You could've bought a house and the value would appreciate faster than a normal man's salary! What could you have possibly spent it on?

P: Stuff.

R: Stuff like what?

P: You know, things.

R: Can I see some of the the "things" you bought?

P: Well… (he is obviously ashamed)

R: You could've gambled it all away I suppose. (He is joking. But then he begins to realize) Oh no. Did you gamble it away?

P: Well…

R: I can't believe this. Haven't you ever wondered where the gambling houses get all their money from? I'll give you a hint: It's not from the drinks! Have you ever once considered that maybe, just maybe, the reason you are poor is because you waste money!?!

P: But I got rights, you know.

R: There is no way I am giving you more money! You're better off without money and begging for food than money!

P: But I got rights you know.

(R looks back at C. C nods at R. R's face droops in sadness.)

R: Do you understand what this money was meant for? It was going to pay the meager workforce I had left. We were going to finish up another shipment and get paid. Not a large profit, but a profit nonetheless. If you just let me hold on to this money for a month, I can make back all that you lost. But if you take it from me now, there won't be any money next time. Do you see this?

P: I don't care about you. I got rights, you know.

R: Fine. Have the money. Go ahead and take half, or two thirds. I don't need it anyways. What's the point when any poor schmuck like yourself can just steal it from me while the cop looks on!

P: I got rights you know!

R: Screw your rights! Tell you what, take it all! (He throws the money at the poor man.)

P: I got rights you know!

R: What could you possible want more? I gave you all the money I have in the world. My company is ruined, my family is ruined, and I'm ruined.

P: I want a job.

R: Oh, so NOW you want a JOB! Well gues what? Without money, there is no job! And if I did have money, why would I hire an ungrateful little-minded lazy gambler like you? I pay people to work because it makes me more money. Otherwise I wouldn't hire them.

C: (Now interested) He has rights you know. Give him a job?

R: WHAT JOB? There are no more jobs to give! Can't you get that through your head? We're done!

C: In that case, you're going to jail buddy.

R: What for? What crime did I commit?

C: Why, you violated that fellow's rights!

R: Oh really? Well, let's see about that. (Turns to P) I got rights too, you know! I want a job! I want your money! I want food, good food, and a nice home in a nice neighborhood without schmucks like you wandering about demanding things from people who don't have them! And I want free medical care anytime I want it, I demad you give this to me right now! I got rights you know!

C: (To P) Well?

P: Well what?

C: You either respect this man's rights or you're going to jail too.

[End scene]

Scene: A jail cell. R and P are sharing a room. R is busily making a rope into a noose. P is watching R out of curiosity.

P: (Out of the blue) I got rights, you know.

R: Well, we're going to solve this once and for all. (Finishing the noose, he swings it up over a bar near the ceiling. He begins fitting his head through it.)
P: I got rights, you know. 

R: Goodbye. (He jumps off his bed, committing suicide.)

P: I got rights you know. (He watches the corpse swinging in the air.